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- THE ZTNEROL EXPANSION
- by
- DENNIS McCLAIN-FURMANSKI
-
- [Dedicated to the scientific advances proposed by D. Adams]
-
- The Theory of Relativity has been around long enough
- now for many to grasp its fundamental importance.
- Egomaniacal astronomers and aging British actors are only
- two of the kinds of people who've been able to cash in on
- the excitement. The basis for some of the popularity has
- been called "the twins paradox" (1), where one twin stays on
- earth, while the other zips about creation at relativistic
- speeds; the earthbound grows old while the intrepid stays
- young. The story never relates as to whether the earthbound
- got all the girls in the other's absence, but it's a safe
- assumption. But I digress. (2)
- The mathematical theorem which Smiling Albert used with
- such finesse and verve as to allow others to make careers
- out of its presentation is called the Lorentz Contraction
- equation. (3) In its mathematical form:
- ________________
- Time observed / 2 2 Time passed
- to pass = \/ 1 - ( V / C ) x "at home"
- where V is the velocity traveled, and C of course is the
- speed of light.
-
- What it shows, simply stated, is that the faster you
- go, the slower time runs for you, so that when you arrive
- home after a long day's jaunt about the universe, you find
- it to be next month and your credit card bills are overdue
- and have had interest added to them. The vicarious thrill of
- watching this happen is probably the reason that science
- shows are so popular with the Public Broadcasting Network
- crowd, rather than the prime time "top 3" viewers, who own
- Ronco products purchased with money orders from convenience
- stores.
- There are also portions of the theory which have not
- been popularized in this manner, basically because no
- scriptwriter has been able to figure out how to make use of
- them. These other portions state that the faster you go, the
- more mass you gain (4), and the faster you go, the shorter
- you become in the direction of travel. There are, of course,
- parallel equations for these phenomena, but I won't belabor
- the point by reproducing them all here. (5)
- It is the last of these that I intend to take issue
- with, as I have deduced a method of making use of it.
- This effect, which I have named the Ztnerol Expansion,
- is simply the reverse of the equation showing the decrease
- is size. If, the closer to the speed of light you get, the
- shorter you get in the direction of travel, then obviously
- the slower you go the longer you get. If, at the speed of
- light, the dimension shrinks to zero (the equations shows
- this is the case) then at a speed of zero, length should
- expand to infinity.
- The practical aspect of this startling revelation is
- easy to derive. Travel usually proceeds by positive
- acceleration in the direction desired, and after an amount
- of time has passed you arrive at your destination. My
- proposal is to obtain the state of arrival by instead,
- slowing down to absolute zero velocity, at which time you
- would have expanded along the line of travel to every point
- in the universe.
- This would be extremely handy for those who suddenly
- change their minds and wish to go elsewhere instead, as they
- already are. It would also be of use to those who forgot to
- turn off the stove or whatnot, as they're also still at the
- starting point. (6)
- The primary objection to this idea is the common sense
- notion that things are already at rest, so why aren't they
- infinite in length? Obviously, they are not at rest. The
- Earth rotates at 1,000 miles per hour at the equator, it
- revolves around the sun at 66,000 miles per hour, the sun is
- traveling through the galactic arm, which is rotating around
- the galactic core, and the galaxy is moving away from all
- others as a result of the Big Bang. All that moving about
- makes things the size that they are. Any disagreement with
- this can be met and conquered with the derision usually
- reserved for flat-earth fanatics and macrobiotic kharma
- channelers. We're obviously not the center of the universe,
- why should we expect that we're at rest with respect to
- everything else?
- Any attempt at achieving this zero velocity point will
- have to be done in free space, as all bodies in the universe
- are already in motion. I propose then, a rocket be built
- with a radically different design departure.
- All rockets built so far have the engines at the
- bottom, for thrust directed downwards, and an increase in
- velocity upwards, or at least forwards if already in space.
- Note, this is intended to be a positive velocity increase.
- My design would be to build a rocket with the engines on
- top, or at the front for a spaceborne rocket. Rather than
- speeding the rocket up, these will slow it down by giving it
- a negative increase in velocity.
- It must be understood that these are not the same as
- conventional reentry or "retro" rocket engines. Those are
- invariably rear mounted engines, and the spacecraft is
- maneuvered so they are pointing forwards. They are in fact
- facing the proper direction, but the spacecraft is not. This
- design requires that the engines be built in the nose of the
- craft, facing the same direction as the crew, as no
- scientifically trained crew is going to sit facing backwards
- while moving forwards. Even the most veteran subway riders
- are loath to travel thus. (8)
- I would propose then, that a rocket be built, upside
- down as it were, and launched. I might suggest the unused
- Saturn V displayed by NASA, as it's already paid for. It
- would be mounted upside down at the launch complex, but with
- the crew module rightside up. A tunnel through the Earth
- would have to be dug. Then the rocket would be launched down
- through the tunnel, emerging from the other side of the
- Earth with the astronauts hell bent for leather slowing
- down. As their speed decreases, they will gain in length.
- They can keep an eye on the speedometer and adjust their
- direction if they find they're traveling in such a way that
- their slowing does not cancel out all motion.
- When they finally achieve zero velocity, they will be
- everywhere at the same time, and not moving, so that they
- can get out anywhere they like for a look around. (9)
- To arrive back home in their normal state, they have
- merely to rotate the crew module to the opposite direction,
- turn their craft around, and speed up.
- Since all the astronauts currently is service have been
- trained in conventional astro-navigation, it would be too
- costly to retrain them. Instead, I propose a different
- source of manpower.
- With the current top heavy organization at NASA, chock
- full of so many managers that the design of Space Station
- Freedom is falling apart before it even gets built, I
- suggest administrators be pressed into service for this
- mission.
- While it may seem to some an unpleasant prospect,
- having management present at all points, I can only answer
- with these two replies:
- (A) Is that so different from the way it is now? And
- (B) Besides, I might be wrong. Think "expendable",
- like the vast majority of the rocket equipment
- they continue to build at a cost of millions
- of dollars apiece, designed to be thrown away
- after flawless performance.
-
-
- ---------------- Footnotes ----------------
-
- (1) This is unrelated to the paradox of a baseball team
- originating in a state where the ground is covered with snow
- for a majority of the year.
-
- (2) From di- meaning two and -gress meaning to move.
- Literally, moving in two directions, the basis for this
- paper, which you would see if you got your nose out of the
- footnotes and got on with the text. But as long as you're
- here, you might as well be told that the word is also
- *related to progress, to move forward, and congress, to move
- backwards. Now get back up there. Go on. That's it.
-
- (3) Lorentz is a dead guy. Dead guys get all the good stuff
- named after them.
-
- (4) Bad for business. You can't get advertisers or PBS to
- broadcast something involving gaining weight.
-
- (5) I do so know what they are. Look, I knew who Lorentz
- was, didn't I? Alright, then.
-
- (6) I didn't have a footnote in a while. I like to keep
- things consistent.
-
- (7) An interesting psychological effect can be observed by
- breaking a subject's concentration repeatedly. They may
- begin to pay attention to the distraction rather than the
- primary focus and become confused. This is exactly what
- happens when they notice a footnote number they seem to have
- missed, and go looking back through the text for the
- reference to it, without reading the errant message that
- tells them that there was no reference in the text. Now, how
- many of you went looking for number seven before you got
- this far? Be honest.
-
- (8) Personal observation. Radicals in the theoretic physics
- line don't generally get salaries like those sell out wimps
- at the universities and laboratories.
-
- (9) Not even considered yet is the effect on slowing down to
- mass. As you approach the speed of light, mass increases
- towards infinite. As you slow down, mass would decrease,
- making the engines more efficient with less mass to push
- towards zero velocity. Implicit in this is the reason why
- cars never get as good of mileage as their EPA stickers
- state; faster means more mass and more fuel required.
- You mileage may vary indeed.
-
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